Last night Manu Ginobili was playing poker–he had the short stack against his friend Jacque and was the big blind–and Manu Ginobili was in with friggin’ pocket rockets, diamond and club. Jacque raised and then re-raised him pre-flop, but Jacque had just raised on a king-five the hand before, so Manu Ginobili called bullshit, right? The flop was three of clubs, seven of hearts and the ace of hearts–no, ace of spades. So Manu Ginobili goes all in, which doesn’t scare off Jacque at all. He goes all in too. Everyone else folds; they’re going head-to-head. The turn is a nine or diamonds or something–whatever, doesn’t help Manu Ginobili. The river is another nine, so Manu Ginobili feels pretty good about his trip aces. Like, at most, Jacque has three nines with a king kicker, right? He probably doesn’t have a boat. They throw down, and Jacque ends up having four nines, dude. He has four of a kind. Why did he even go all in with the nines to begin with if there was nothing on the flop? Nines should not beat pre-flop aces, bro. I mean…I mean, that’s just wrong, right? Who would have ever thought that Manu Ginobili expected one thing to happen, and the cards fell in a completely different manner? That’s just crazy. Four of a kind nines, bro. That’s just a bad beat right there.

Manu Ginobili contributes to Driving Mr. Spacey.

Manu Ginobili refers to margaritas as “margs.”

Manu Ginobili loves hookah bars.

He tells people it’s “Sabotage,” but Manu Ginobili’s favorite music video of all time is probably the 6:19 cut of Paula Abdul’s “Rush, Rush.”

Manu Ginobili owns a Microsoft Zune.

Manu Ginobili frequently uses the construction “Go, _____. It’s your birthday.”

There’s a homeless guy who hangs out near the Exxon by Manu Ginobili’s apartment complex. In order, these are the different interactions Manu Ginobili has had with him:

1. Homeless Guy approaches Manu Ginobili and says: “Hey, man–I’m–hey, man, I don’t mean any trouble. My name is Charles Stone. See, I’m trying to get to Pineville, and I ran out of gas. If there’s anything you can do–I mean, anything…” Manu Ginobili gives him the fifty-five cents in his pocket, and “Charles Stone” inordinately thanks him. “God bless you,” all that. Manu Ginobili feels pretty good about himself as he buys his Yoo-Hoo and Gummi Worms inside and even buys one of those refrigerated egg salad sandwiches for Stone. Outside, Manu Ginobili nonchalantly asks him if he wants it, and Stone says, “I’ll take it, but I’d really like some Burger King, man.” Manu Ginobili kind of pushes the sandwich at the guy and leaves.

2. “Charles Stone” does not recognize Manu Ginobili from the last time, and he walks up to him much more hurriedly. He stutters, “Hey, man, I need some help. I’m trying to get to Alexandria. I–there’s a problem with my car–and I ran out of gas.” Manu Ginobili, irritated by Stone’s lie, sneers, “I thought it was Pineville” and walks past him. As he passes, he notes that Stone only has four fingers on his right hand. How did he not notice that the first time?

3. On his way to a party, Manu Ginobili successfully avoids Stone, who now has a sign that reads, “ROAD TRIP STRANDED PLEASE HELP.” Manu Ginobili has too much to drink at the party and ends up embroiled in an argument with a Fred Savage look-alike whose name he can’t remember now over what exactly a legume is, which stemmed from Manu Giobili’s assertion that a peanut was one. There’s a knock at the door. When the host opens it, Fred Savage cranes his neck just in time to see that none other than Chazz Stone is trying to enter. Fred Savage races toward the door screaming, “That’s that four-fingered nigger who stole my bike!” He chases Stone down the street, and Manu Ginobili takes that as a sign to leave the party.

4. Manu Ginobili sees Stone one last time–outside of that Burger King Stone mentioned. Stone, without any equivocation, asks for money, and Manu Ginobili apologizes that he doesn’t have any cash on him, which, that day, happens to be true.

 

Manu Ginobili can make three different types of paper airplanes.

When Manu Ginobili observes two people fighting, he breaks the tension by pleading, “Hey, hey, hey, can’t we all just get along?”